Candy Crack is a real make believe drug. It’s like children in a tree house (not crack house) pretending to sell drugs. It’s peddled in a neighborhood where you don’t have to grow up, so it makes sense that we are pretending to be kids doing the bad things that adults do. No one wants to get old, but no one wants to be just a kid. With Candy Crack you can have it both ways.

Call for the delivery of a 100 percent sugar crack rock (multicolored and multi-flavored with snow cone syrup) to your Brooklyn house. Expect a 7-foot tall man in a plush, blue fish mascot head, white gloves and a tuxedo to come knocking soon after. You can purchase a few rocks for $1 a pop in a dime bag. Can’t say too much here because y’know it’s drugs.