A Trip to Home Depot – Stain and Torture

I visit Home Depot for style – think colors and design.  I will go for the garden section, paint supplies, or plastic containers, or even some cleaning supplies. I usually will not go to buy wood and screws, I leave that for my builder, Matthew.  Matthew can spend hours roaming up and down those dusty aisles while I hold on to his leg crying to be released from this torture.
This is me crying and waiting on Sunday while Matthew is in the tool aisle.  I told him to get the pretty neon green ones, but he ignored me.
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Today I went because I had to buy stain.  For what? We are building a farmhouse table!
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Well I should say the farmhouse table is basically built already, the top still needs to be screwed in and then it needs to be stained.  Then I need to find chairs, but that’s another story.    So for the last few days I have been agonizing over what color stain.  I have spent hours every single day looking up stain examples online, having a deep conversation with myself about what would  we best.  Matthew kept asking me what it was going to be and I would start to shake in fear.  Just writing about it causes me anxiety, I’m not kidding. It’s such a important decision!  So I received a text this morning from Matthew saying “Get Stain!”.  I held my phone, shaking, not knowing what the decision was going to be.  I had a idea in my head, but I couldn’t confirm anything until the paint is made.

I texted back to Matthew “How dare you!”.  He didn’t understand why I said that.
I went to Home Depot and visited the stain section.  I still wasn’t sure.  I visited the paint section.  I saw this pretty paper towel with lots of colors on it!
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I texted it to Matthew saying “How Pretty!” but he ignored it completely.  WP_20130218_004
Then I made the choice.  The kind of stain we wanted was water based so it had to be made, it wasn’t pre-made.  We wanted this because the fumes will be much better and it’s quick drying.  They didn’t sell gallons of this unfortunately so I had to get 3 small cans made (I hope that’s enough!).  So there I am, telling the Home Depot worker my color choice.  “You sure?” She asked me.  “No, but let’s get it over with” I mumbled between tears of anxiety.
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Then I needed to get wood conditioner and a protective finish – all water based.  This wasn’t as stressful but the price tag of the protective finish made my eyes pop out of my head. I picked them back up in Aisle 8 and kept moving along.
I thought I was done, I could leave this store.  Then I got the dreaded text.. “I need a few more things”.  Oh god, no.  Please, no.  Please don’t make me buy things I don’t know what they are.
“Get me 20 4 inch wood screws” – Matthew texted.
”What color is the box? Or are they in plastic baggies?” – I responded.
“Whatever is cheapest”– M
”Where are they at?” – P (that’s me)
”In the screw aisle”-M
”Very helpful.”-P
”Do you want 16 or 24 screws?”-P
”I want 20” – M
”They are sold in 8 sets” – P
”24” – M
”They also have 2 in bags” – P
”How much are they?” – M
Then I start texting photos..
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”There’s these ones” – P
“How much are they?” – M
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”Oh, then theres these ones, look at the nice box!” – P
”How much are they?” – M
Then I just ignore him because he ignored my box comments. I got the ones in the box, of course.
A new text comes in..
“I need a hatchet tie down” – M
”What?” – P
”I need a hatchet tie down”-M
”A ratchet?”-P
”A hatchet” – M
”What?” – M
”Where are they?” – M
”In the back of the screw aisle, across opposite the screw anchors” – M
”Which one?” – P and then I text him this:
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”It’s just a single thing on the top shelf wrapped in cellophane” – M
”Not hanging on a hook” – M
”Where” – P and then I text him this:
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“Yeah there was a bunch yesterday just laying on top” – M
”Are they below or to the left or right?” – M
”No” – P
At this point I have asked 3 employees who all tell me I am crazy and they don’t sell them in single packs.
”Wtf” – M
http://www.homedepot.com/h_d1/N-5yc1v/R-202065674/h_d2/ProductDisplay?catalogId=10053&langId=-1&keyword=hatchet+tie+down&storeId=10051#.USJzIaUqZ8E” – M
”No luck with the tie downs?  Website says they are in stock” – M
”Aisle 18, 36 in stock”-M
So then I find another employee who told me they don’t sell them and then I show him the website link that says they have 36 in stock.
“They are looking, it is intense” – P while watching boxes fall all over.
”I see” – M
”How many?” – P
”1” – M
The employees are now in the back of the store looking at the receiving trucks because they are missing completely.
”They missing, lol” – P
”Wtf, there were tons” – M
”Sorry” –P
Then I sent him this picture of them missing on the shelf just to prove to him.
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”They are out, sorry” – P
”Guh” – M
“?”-P
”Guh, bs, but ok” – M
Then I leave the store and text him this picture..
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”Look at everything I got!” – P”
”You go girl” – M
Then I text him this picture:
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”Thinking of a new wall color behind my desk” – P
No response from Matthew.  Rude.
Then I text him this picture:
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”Best man” – M

Agreed!

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